Friday, January 26, 2007
thank god its friday. ((:shheeshh. finally laaa.no waking up early in the morning.but still, tmr having tuition.gawshh.hokay, so yeah.wad happened todae.or yesterday?well yesterday.went to NAFA. got dat bag. yeah, i like.and nelson thought i'm a smoker.ouh please, i dont smoke. okay?muker innocent ginik dier ckp isap rokok?! crap!wahahah. prasaan jek sya. ((:busy chatting. plus watching music videos of evanescence.i just didnt post thanks to blogger itself.it lagged.so i just sign out and switched off the laptop.wadever la.den todae, raining in the morning.its freaking cold walking to school without jacket.just brought the umbrella.den in school, only 3 of us in the class brought dat NAFA bag?!dats like sooo mrepek laa. smuer bobal werld la.smuer smangat wanna use dat bag todae.but ended up only me, razeef and amsyar use it.wadever shits la.chit chat, eat chocs.den bla bla blahs.mother tongue, struggling over dat composition on 'one dilemma'.and my handwriting suck! no offence la.reccess time, walked around.talked about people getting possessed.eeeeekk. scaryy.after reccess, suddenly my name is being called out.a lil' panic. thought wad laaaa.skalik dey wanna take picture to update on wadever thingy bla bla blahs.went over to music room by taking the lift.den the lift stopped at level 2, and the teachers are dere.uh-oh. ahaha.den ms chin asked a stupid qn, " mr joe, are they all injured?"hahah. funny la.so we quickly comb our hair and stuffs.lucky i got mirror. phew.den take pic, my hair's obviously red.hahah. can see it in the picture.den called for saifuldin in class.den i went back dere.when walking back to classroom.walked back with ain, amalina and nasrul.they're 3e2 and i'm the only 3e1.walked slowly through long way.nasrul gilerk la. haha.den amalina proceed to history room for her history class.while ain and nasrul went back to their class for geography.and i went back to class for maths? dats soooo...... errrr.i suck at math laaaa.hate it man. fucking hell betol.den journal, and bye bye.went home, chill, relax, eat.den went to tina's house.den went to the 358 bustop, waited for sofia.went in to school, for drama.and bla bla bla.grouped up with natasya, haziqah, adila and sai kiat.our acting is all screwed up.i'm totally lost in the first attempt.and so after drama, wasted time.me, tina and sofia went to west plaza.they bought some stuffs.den we walked back to 358 bustop.sat dere and hangout.buat mcm rumah sendirik? haha.den bla bla bla, at last we went home.den i went online.den den den i went to west plaza.but the moment i reached dere, i got no idea wad i wanna buy.so ended up buying a cheese waffle and coke.and the cheese waffle, OMG. its damn nice laaa.i'm soooo gonna buy it again tmr either before or after tuition.yayness.den when wanna walk back home.saw mrs khiu and dont know who standing around dere talking.i guess she recognized me, so dats why she stared at me all the way.hrmmmmmms.okay, why are people around calling me emo?am i tooooo emo in school?till here.wanna grab some food in the kitchen.' ' 'syakrazy-.dayan, thanks for all your help. i appreciate your advices all his while. and thanks soo much for guiding me in my life these few days. even when i dont even know who are you actually. but anything, just thanks for being a good friend, a good listener and a good adviser.but. . . . sometimes i wonder. where are the rest? here i am crying alone in my own dark world, feeling lonely, frustrated, dissapointed in myself, stress. i feel like its not me when i looked into the mirror. i feel like its not me when i'm happy. all those smiles and laughters from me are like fake. day by day, my heart seemed to be more aching. aching from all those questions and mixed feelings i had. but who cares? even when i'm crying out for help, screaming my lungs out and slitting my wrists. who cares? nobody. just nobody.and, i'm hurt. hurt by my ownself doings. i'm stupid. i regret having dat feeling which is unexpected. but its too late. i cant avoid dat feeling already. i have to go through it once again like last time. thanks alot to myself. furthermore, i've promised myself. and i've promised dat i'll try keep up to dat promise. i promised myself not to forgive whoever dat person who's the backstabber. and if no one is in the wrong, and the problem come from me itself, i can never forgive myself. i can never forgive myself if i'm the cause of my own problem.i'm denying about something, and i'll deny it till as long as i can.
; i scream my lungs out @
10:02 PM
